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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that an online journalist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college to use the facilities back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|